If you have been working with ancestral healing, your searches will likely have led you to family constellations. However, this form of therapy is not just for those with 'direct' family-related trauma. Family constellations can be applied to every aspect of our life, for it examines our very foundations, including challenging self-beliefs that we can't quite locate the root of, or a tendency towards certain behaviours that we struggle to fathom.
As Ram Dass famously said, "If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family." We might have done years of work on ourself, and yet we can still be triggered by a throwaway remark from a parent. Indeed, there are very few who can more acutely reflect back to us our wounds, our issues, our shadows, than our family members. However, instead of drawing away from those sometimes painful reflections, family constellations invites you to dive deep into them as a powerful route for self-healing. According to this modality, our family - or at least the natural order of it - is the key to deep healing.
What is family constellations?
Family constellations is a therapeutic approach developed in the nineties by German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger. It is based on the idea that many of our personal challenges, emotional blockages, and even physical issues can be rooted in unresolved family dynamics or traumas, sometimes going back several generations. This powerful method seeks to reveal hidden patterns in family relationships and bring healing by acknowledging and integrating these dynamics.
Key concepts of family constellations
The family is a system in which everyone has a role: In family constellations, the family is a system in which each family member - even the unborn child, the so-called 'black sheep of the family' or the ex-communicated sibling - plays a role in maintaining the balance or status quo.
Unresolved issues come down through the family lines: We can inherit from past generations challenging emotions such as guilt, shame or trauma. These unresolved feelings can be passed down the family lines, often unconsciously, and can affect us as descendants.
The family soul: According to Bert Hellinger, each family has a collective psyche, or family soul. Any imbalance, disruption or wounding to this soul – which would include something like exclusion or mistreatment – can create disharmony that can impact generations to come and their ability to harmonise.
The orders of love: Fundamental to family constellations is the concept of what Hellinger called 'orders of love' that underpin our family dynamics:
- Belonging: Everyone in the family system has the right to belong.
- Order: There's a natural order in families, where older generations should be respected.
- Give & Take: There must be a balance between giving and taking in relationships.
The field: In family constellations work, we open what's called the morphogenetic field, or simply, the field. This field holds us in a space of intuitive knowing where we can act out, explore and resolve family dynamics. It's incredible how effective this field is – it must be experienced to be understood.
Representatives: In family constellations, representatives are used to 'stand in for' family members or even important elements of our life, such as a job, relationship or house. These representatives can be individuals who have come together for the family constellations work, or they can be symbols such as tarot cards or figurines as in the image above.
Resolution: The family constellations facilitator guides the process by arranging the representatives in a way that restores acknowledgment, balance, and healing to the family system. Through the family constellation work, unresolved issues are brought to light, and healthier relationships are restored by realigning the family system.
Who is family constellations for?
Family constellations is for everyone. Whether you feel you have had a happy, supportive upbringing, or you consider your family to be highly dysfunctional, family constellations is a highly effective form of healing that can resolve many issues in life, such as lack of joy, anxiety, inability to connect with others, loneliness and so much more.
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